Depression and Change

    I wish I could change.  I wish that I could be stronger.  I wish that I could be thinner.  I wish I wish I wish.  That seems to be a lot of what I am doing lately.  Wishing.

    I know that many things I want to change about myself are within my control, but I also know some aren't.  I can't control my depression.  When it hits, it hits.  Last week was one such week.  I was doing really great on my wishes, I had lost 6 pounds the previous three weeks, and I was doing great!  I was watching what I was eating, and it was going well.  Then depression hit.  Or should I say, the depression overcame the medicine I am on to help curb my depression, and keep it hidden inside me.

    Depression, when it comes like that, overtakes everything in my life.  I have such a horrible time functioning and doing everyday things that I need to get done!  Waking up, eating, sleeping, exercising, communicating, socializing.  Everything becomes that much harder, and I always look for the easy way out.  I hate it, but it is what happens.  Instead of making lunch like I should, I run to the convenience store and buy shit to eat, not only because it is easier, but because that is comforting to me.  That is what I grew up on, and that is what I crave and turn to when I am uncontrollably depressed.

    Chronic depression, as I like to call it, never really goes away, but with medicine it can be controlled, but not all the time.  Chronic depression can't be talked away.  It is always there.  Nothing I say or do will make it better.  Talking about it won't make the hurt go away.  Well-meaning people always say to me when I tell them my depression is really acting up, that they are there if I need to talk about it.  If there is anything they can do let them know.  Here is something people don't understand.  When I tell them I am depressed, that is my way of asking for help.  I don't need a text saying they are there if I need them.  I need a phone call just telling me that they love me.  Telling me about their day.  I just need a distraction.  I need personal contact, so I know they care.  I had a friend last weekend that got that.  He asked me if I was down, and I said yes.  His next question was, am I coming over there or are you coming over here!  He didn't ask me what was wrong.  We just hung out and chatted.  Not about anything special, but just talked.  That is what I need.  I just need a call just to say hi.  It is more personal than a text, which I think we as a society use too much.

    I also know that depression is my burden to bear.  I can't depend on others to get me through it.  I need to figure out a way to get through it myself.  I also need to take a more aggressive approach when it is really strong. Rather than just saying in a text that my depression is really bad, I need to pick up the phone and call someone, but the problem is that when depression hits that hard, I already feel like I am burden, and I don't want to bother people.  Sometimes I just want a hug, but I also know that people aren't huge fans of that either, and again, it is hard to do it myself.  I want people to want to hug me when I get like that, so I feel cared for and loved.  Again, depression plays with your mind!  It makes you hate yourself, and it makes it hard to ask for what you need the most.

Pappy's Chicago Style Eatery - April 3, 2010

As I was driving around the other day for somewhere to eat lunch, I saw this place on the corner and decided to give it a try!

Decor/Ambiance:  3 out of 5

What can I say about this place.  It had a feel of a eatery place.  Nothing fancy at all!  Just some tables and chairs with a counter that you order from.  Nothing fancy, but people don't come here for the ambiance, they come here for the food!

Service: 3 out of 5

This was a type of place where you place your order at the counter and they call your order out when your food is done.  Worked for me.  The woman taking the orders was very friendly and efficient.

Food:  4.5 out of 5

Meal: Cheeseburger and Fries

This was one very good burger!  I was very impressed.  The regular cheeseburger comes with two thin  patties cooked just right.  They are seasoned just right, not too salty.  It also came with grilled onions which were fantastic!  The fries were very lightly seasoned giving it just the right amount of bite for me.

Overall: 4 out of 5

This place knew how to make a burger, and not overcharge you for it!  The burger basket was $4.55, and honestly, I would pay even more knowing how good this burger really is!  You know it's good when the police and emergency crews come in for their lunch.  They always know the best joints in the neighborhoods!

Here is the address so they next time you are looking for somewhere to eat in St. Paul, go check it out!

Pappy's, 1783 Maryland Ave E, St. Paul, MN 55119 (It is right on the corner of Maryland and White Bear Avenue)

Snuffy's Malt Shop - April 1, 2010

Do you have a place that you have been wanting to go to for years.  Every time you drive by it, you think to yourself....Man, I really need to go try that place out!  That is what Snuffy's Malt Shop (www.snuffysmaltshop.com) was for me.  For ten years now, I have thought that.  Finally, I went.  Man, was it NOT worth it.  McDonald's would have been a more satisfying meal, and cheaper!

Decor/Ambiance: 2 out of 5

The decor is what I expected.  The wall paper was that red/white vertical strip, with dark wood booths.  The tables were a dark Formica top with the old church padded chairs.  So, it was expected, but nothing special or different from the any other typical malt shops.

Service:  2 out of 5

While the waitstaff wasn't bad, neither were they good.  The waitress was very efficient, not wasting a single breath on small talk, or even a hello.  I also waited a bit for my check.

Food:  1 out of 5

Jeff's Meal: Cheeseburger with a "basket of fries" and a chocolate malt.

Let's start with the semi-good.  The malt was OK.  It was nothing special, and I actually make a better malt than what they had.

Now the mediocre.  The fries were fries.  Nothing special at all, and way too few for the $2.55 they charge for a "basket" of fries.

Now the down right horrid:  The cheeseburger, or more specifically the burger, because as hard as the cheese tried to cover up the awfulness of the burger, it just couldn't do it.  The burger was a generic frozen patty that was about an 1/8" thick that had a bitter nasty taste to it.  Thankfully it wasn't way over cooked, but as thin as it was, it should have only taken about a minute on each side to cook.  The bun was just a bun you could buy at Rainbow.

Overall: 1 out of 5

If you want to go somewhere with a great old-fashioned malt shop feel, just go to Annie's in Dinkytown.  That is a good malt. So, if you have get a bee in your undies about going to Snuffy's, save yourself the money and just go to McDonald's because the food is actually better there!

So, when it is all said and done, I should have just listened to my straight boyfriend Nate, and avoided the place at all cost, cause he did warn me, but I just had to try it out for myself!

Hell's Kitchen - March 30, 2010

Before I get into the review of Hell's Kitchen (www.hellskitcheninc.com), I just want to state that I really wanted to go to this place for breakfast because they really had some unique things listed.  That, however, just wasn't in the cards right now.  It is something I still really want to do, as do Tami and Angela!

Decor/Ambiance: 3 out of 5

This place has a very cool vibe to it.  It is in the basement of a large building with exposed brick and whatnot. We were there at about 1 pm, so the crowd was light, but even then the sound was a little loud.  I can not even imagine trying to carry on a conversation when it is full, or when someone is performing.  That is the main reason I gave it a 3 rather than a 4.  Course, could just be because I am old and don't like noisy places.

Service: 3 out of 5

While our server was nice enough, he seemed very scatter brained.  We were waited on pretty quickly, but he slowed down towards the end.  It took a bit to get our check, and I was noticing that some tables that came in after us waited quite a while to get their orders taken.

Food  2.5 out of 5

Jeff's Meal:  French Dip with grilled onions with Sweet Potato Fries  2 out of 5

The beef in this french dip was very good, it was very tender and moist.  The onions were also grilled nicely.  The Aus Juice was too salty for my taste and I really didn't use it at all.  The fries were good, but really, how can you screw those up?  Overall, the meal was OK.  It was about as good as I have gotten at Key's, but here is the difference and the reason for giving it a 2 rather than a 3:  the PRICE!  The meal was $14.95 + .45 for the onions.  Which brings up a point about places...why do they offer to add things to your meal, but never tell you it is extra.  Don't ask me if I want to add onions to my mean without first telling me it was extra!  So for a meal I could get at Key's, I paid twice as much.

Tami's Meal:  Bison burger with White Cheddar Cheese and Sweet Potato Fries    4 out of 5

It got a 4 rather than 5 because of the price once again...$11.95  They really price gouge!  Also, she ordered,  and was charged for, a BBQ Bacon Bison Burger, but got neither BBQ sauce or bacon (we did have them change that on the bill.)  Also, again, she was asked if she wanted cheese on it without stating that it would be extra...a very high $1.30 for a bloody piece of cheese!  She ordered it medium rare, on the rare side, and got it medium on the well side.

Angela's Meal: Bowl of Smoked Beef Vegie Soup  3 out of 5

This was actually reasonably priced...$5.00.  She liked it, but her personal taste does not lean towards smoked beef flavor, but she did like it.

Overall:  2.5 out of 5

The above overall rating is based on our experience at lunch.  We all want to go back for breakfast some time!  The space was good, but the food was just too overpriced.  Parking was also expensive, being located downtown Minneapolis.  We paid $9.95 for parking, and that was for just over an hour.

St. Clair Broiler - March 23, 2010

This last excursion was to the St. Clair Broiler (www.stclairbroiler.com) Tami, Angela and I were in attendance.

Decor/Ambience: 3 (out of 5)

I liked the feel of this place. The restaurant was divided into three different rooms along the front of the restaurant. The first one that you walked into had small "u" shaped bar with stools and a couple of raised booths overlooking the sidewalk. The next two were rooms with booths and tables in it. Each room was painted a different pastel color. We were in the last room and it was a pastel green. Tami and Angela didn't like the color, but I thought it was nice. The room over from us was a pastel dark blue. I really liked that one. The overall feel of the place was one of a local diner, but it's been kept up.

Service: 4

Out waitress was very nice and a genuinely happy person. She was prompt and courteous. The only reason she doesn't get a 5 is because she failed to tell us that a few things on the menu had been discontinued. They were getting new menus in a few weeks, but if you want my opinion, don't change the food you serve before you get the new menu. Time it better people! Not her fault I know, but it just seems like it would have been good knowing that things were discontinued so that Tami wouldn't have had to change her mind.

Food: 2.5

Jeff's Meal: California Guacamole Chicken 2 out of 5

I was disappointed in this meal. The chicken was OK, but they had grilled it, and where the grill met the chicken there was a very strong burnt/grill taste. I didn't like that at all. It was moist so that was good...nothing worse that a dry chicken breast. The Guacamole was too spicy for me as well (Tami REALLY liked it however so that is just a personal taste). The fries were good! So was my chocolate malt!

Tami's Meal : Tenderloin Medallions with Garlic Potatoes and Sautéed Mushrooms and Onions 3.5 out of 5

Tami ordered her steak Medium Rare, and it was!! The meat was tender and very good. The mushrooms and onions were awesome! Just the right amount of sauteeing was achieved! The garlic mashed potatoes was the only downfall of her meal. When I tasted them there was no garlic flavor and when Angela tasted them that was all she could taste, so they needed to be mixed up better. They were very dry as well.

Angela's Meal: Bacon Cheeseburger, Fries and Rudolph's Cole-Slaw 2.5 out of 5

Angela again ordered her burger medium rare, but it was medium. It was just a little bit pink. The fries were good of course as was the coleslaw (turns out this place is owned by the same people that own Rudolph's BBQ.)

Overall: 3 out of 5

I really wanted to give this place a better rating, but the food is the most important aspect of a place, and it just wasn't as good as the rest of it was. Tami felt that the breakfast food might be better as that is what diners are usually none for. Would I go back? Probably for breakfast, but not really for any other reason.

O'Gara's Bar & Grill

On Sunday March 14th, we (Jason, Tami, Angela and myself) went to O'Gara's Irish Pub (www.ogaras.com) in St. Paul for dinner. None of us had been there so we were looking forward to getting some good bar food at a local Irish pub!

We arrived early in the evening, so it was pretty dead...except for the roller derby girls setting up for their fundraiser later in the evening. Walking in, I wished it was later in the evening so we wouldn't have to see the decor. One word describes it all...GREEN! Now I realize it is an Irish bar, but really, everything was green...the walls, the chairs, the booths, the ceiling (even though it was a cool tin ceiling, it was still green). I let that slide though, cause it was an Irish bar afterall. The feeling I got from the place was that it was much more a bar than it was ever going to be a grill.

So we sit in a booth and wait for Jason to arrive (we don't wait for him to order our food though...we were starving.) Tami, Angela and I all order different kinds of burgers from our grumpy waitress. I got the California Burger, Tami got the mushroom burger (no bun...the girl is on a low carb diet), and I can't remember what burger Ang got..something with bacon on it. Tami got a side of steamed vegies, just $1.25 more. Angela got the fries and I got the seasoned tators. Man was I excited for those. I hadn't had some good ol tators in forever! Tami also got a mixed drink of some kind, can't remember what, but she found that to be very watered down with very little alcohol in it. We quickly reminded her that this was not a gay bar so there wouldn't be as much alcohol in it. She felt that even for a straight establishment the drink was awfully weak!

Jason and our food arrived at about the same time. He ended up ordering the cheese fries from the appetizer menu. Both our food and Jason were looking good :) Unfortunately, that all it was...looks. Our food that is. We had all ordered our burgers medium rare, on the rare side. They were all well done. There was no pink in them at all. Very disappointing. My tators...not good. They were way overcooked and had no seasonings on them of any kind. Tami did like her steamed vegies, which consisted of green and yellow beans and maybe one or two carrots. While I did not try Jason's cheese fries, Ang did and said they were way overcooked.

Oh, also, at about the time we got the food, the fundraiser really started to kick in...with karaoke even! Yes! Lucky for us the only person that had the guts to sing was god awful. Such a pleasant way to eat our meal!

So while it was great company and a good time was had by all, the overall experience of O'Gara's gets an F. Poor atmosphere, poor waitstaff, and very poor food. We will not be going back to that establishment to waste away our money.

Our next excursion is to Moto-I in Minneapolis. I hope this one is better!

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